I once knew a guy named Chuck. Chuck really wasn’t a friend of mine. As far as I was concerned, Chuck was a real ‘Schmuck’

What is the true meaning of schmuck?

Definition of ‘Schmuck

Schmuck, or shmuck, is a pejorative term meaning one who is stupid or foolish, or an obnoxious, contemptible or detestable person.

• It seemed as though wherever I went, Chuck was always walking around being a jackass, and  he usually looked the part as well. He  was average height, but on the stocky side. He had this dumb looking brush cut that made him look like an idiot. It suited him well. He always wore sweatpants, as though he were some sort of athlete or something. What really sticks in my memory about Chuck is the oversized football jersey he constantly wore, not unlike some sort of cartoon character who always wore the same outfit, day in and day out, as thought he was stuck in it.
• One evening, I was out and about and hanging out in one of my favorite haunts, a place called ‘The Rail House’ restaurant and pub. It was ‘All you can eat’ chicken wing night, and the place was packed. Another draw to this favorite venue in Grimsby Ontario, Canada was the popular DJ and dance floor, which the women just loved. On this particular night, Chuck and a couple of his cohorts showed up as well. 
• At about 9pm or so, someone probably used the old cliche’, “Let’s get this party started”, and the dancing began. A small group of women took to the floor and began to gyrate to some popular dance song of the day, which could have been anything from ‘Baby don’t hurt me’ to the dreaded “Chicken Dance” song. 
• Often spectators like myself would stand in the shadows, drink in hand, ogling the shapely beauties as they revelled to the beat of the music. Chuck and his pals decided to do a little ogling themselves, but with sinister intention. You see, along with the all you could eat chicken wings, there was served all you could eat celery sticks and blue cheese dip as well. Chuck, in his brilliance, decided that the celery was for breaking into chunks and throwing at the girls as they danced. 
• Well, on that fateful night, one of the biggest, meanest, hombres living in the Grimsby area happened to be ogling too, and his girlfriend was one of Chuck’s targets to be pelted with celery pieces. Only thing was this ‘Brute of a man’ was ogling Chuck, and not liking what he saw. Not..one..bit.  Suddenly, without warning, the dude got up and grabbed Chuck by either his throat or the scruff of his neck, and proceeded to use Chuck’s head as a punching bag for all the world to see. If I’m not mistaken, the place erupted into applause as Chuck got the stuffing beat out of him. I certainly know I was applauding!
• Hopefully the lesson we can learn from this little episode is that if you’re going to be a ‘Schmuck like Chuck’ eventually you’re going to get ‘Smucked’. Any jackass can hurl celery sticks at the servants of the Lord as they try to dance to the beat of the Lord’s drum. Just remember all you Chuck or Chuckettes, the Lord is watching from the shadows, and he doesn’t like what he’s seeing. No, not one bit. You see, if you mock the ones he loves, you’re mocking him too. Just remember, just when you think you are being the life of the party, the Lord could suddenly emerge the shadows, wrap his huge hands around your spindly neck, and lay a beating on you that you won’t be soon to forget.
• Funny how years later I once bumped into Chuck at a funeral home in Grimsby. Gone were the sweatpants and oversized football jersey. He was actually all dressed up in a suit. Two things remained the same though. The stupid looking brush cut, and his bad attitude. He was speaking to my brother Julian at the time, when I believe I may have interjected my thoughts on what they were speaking about. Chuck made some sort of asinine comment in response to what I said. I simply stood there and marveled at how after all these years, he was still the same jerk that I remembered getting ‘his clock cleaned’ that night at ‘The Rail House’. I did not have the heart to tell him I saw the whole bloody thing. 
• Glory to the Father and to his Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. That’s them in the corner, helping us find ‘Our religion’.

By Lucien ‘Looch’ Delean

Sunday November 9th, 2025